This Goddess of a Girl
by Fantine Black
Summary: "I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself." He needs to let Rose do this. Guide them, all four. Lives, his very selves, depend on this, her sacrifice. Well, screw that. Gallifrey's not worth this. Gallifrey's not worth her.


_**This Goddess of a Girl**_

He's longed for this day.

Ever since he saw this face, so treacherously alive, he's longed for this day.

He's ranted, raved, begged for it.

It would have been a perfect death, too. Fitting. To die at the hands of those he'd failed to defeat.

But he can't even do that right. It's Jack who has died, and Rose will soon, too. The few he has left to love.

Then why, in his hearts of hearts, does he feel a glimmer of hope?

'Alert! TARDIS materialising!'

It's a cruel enough trick for a Dalek to pull. Or it would be, if he couldn't feel the TARDIS in his very blood.

But that isn't all he feels. Sees. Has seen. Will see. Suddenly, different timelines are converging, mixing, flowing into themselves.

And through all this, there's Rose.

Not-Rose, talking to him.

'You know the sound the TARDIS makes? That wheezing, groaning? That sound brings hope… to anyone who hears it, Doctor. However lost. Even you.'

But it can't be. The War is time-locked. And yet those memories, the only constant in his abominable life, are disintegrating.

Because there's suddenly four of him now. Messing with his head.

And Rose. His Rose.

He falls to the floor.

'What have you done?'

 _"I looked into the TARDIS. And the TARDIS looked into me."_

'You looked into the time vortex, Rose, no-one's meant to see that!' It's the one thing he can do to stay present when his very self is multiplying.

" _I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself."_

Oh, yes, he remembers now. Some part of him knows what is coming.

 _"I take the words. And scatter them. A message, to lead myself here."_

He needs to let her do this. Complete this. Guide them, all four. Lives, his very selves, depend on this, her sacrifice.

Well, screw that.

'Rose, you're gonna burn!'

" _I want you safe. My Doctor."_

He feels her love. And then her rage. It's beautiful. It's almost worth living through centuries of pain, mourning the millions dead, to see her destroy the Daleks once more…

 _"Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies…"_

So will Rose. Unless he stops this. Never mind the rest of them, Doctors, TARDISes, a companion he doesn't yet know.

They're not worth it.

Gallifrey's not worth this.

He implores her. 'Rose you've got it. Now stop. Just let go.'

She looks at him. For the first time, she sounds almost human.

 _"How can I let go of this?_ "

There's a memory there, he almost senses it, remembers it, as he watches his three other incarnations plot.

But there's no time, no time.

 _"The sun and moon. The day and night. Why do they hurt?"_

What can he do? When it matters, when it truly matters, he is nothing but a killer, and at best, a coward. Maybe this is the ultimate punishment for his betrayal. To see his love burn up with his worst self in his head, prattling about Daleks.

He sobs. 'The power's gonna kill you and it's my fault!' Let them at least hear that, the treacherous bastards. What are they cheering about, huh? What is good? What's so brilliant? What's there to laugh?

Then he gets it!

Yes, that's brilliant. That _is_ brilliant. That is FANTASTIC.

Not-Rose is smiling. 'Now you're getting it.'

But it won't save his Rose _now_.

 _How can I save her?_ he thinks at the other Doctors. _How can I stop this? What must I do?_

And then he remembers the War Doctor's words.

'Bad Wolf girl, I could kiss you!'

Oh.

Of course.

Yes.

Release the time vortex. Save Rose. Trigger regeneration.

In other words, kill himself.

It isn't a choice, really.

But will he have the guts to do it?

'Yeah,' Not-Rose says. 'That's gonna happen.'

But not quite yet. Everyone still needs more time to talk tactics.

While Rose, his Rose, is melting.

 _"I can see everything,"_ she chokes. _"All that is. All that was. All that ever could be…"_

He stands up. 'That's what I see. All the time. Doesn't it drive you mad?'

Maybe those words will make her stop. It would buy them both more time. Time with her. This fantastic goddess of a girl.

But Rose is getting near her limit.

 _"My head…"_ she sobs.

He holds out his arms.

'Come here.'

 _"Is killing me…"_

And it will soon be killing him.

For Gallifrey.

He pulls her close.

'I think you need a Doctor.'


End file.
